IPS 3531 & 
|. 06183 "^ 

W5 "■ 

1910 

Copy 1 



PLAYS CXCHANGKD. 



\HER'5 CDIT10N 
or PLAY3 



Price, 15 Cents 






TBE AHAZONS ^^^Q^^ThreeActs. Seven males, Ave lemaies. 
Costumes, modem ; scenery, not difficult Plays 
a full evening. 

THE CABINET MINISTER FarcelnFourActs. Tenmaies.mne. 
females. Costumes, modem society ? 
Bceneiy, three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

DANDY DICK ^^^^^ "* Three Acts. Seven males, four temaieSc 
Costumes, modem ; scenery, two interiors. ^Hjs 
two hours and a half, 

TBE 6AY LORD OUEX ^^medy in Four Acts. Four males ten 
" females. Costumes, modem ; scenery, 

two interiors and an exterior. Plays a full evening. 

HIS HOlISii IN ORDER C^^^^^y^ Four Acts. Nine males, foTHf 

^ females. Costumes, modern ; scenery^ 

three in iw r i o i ». Plays a full evening. 

THE llOIiBY HORSE ^<^™®*ly "* Three Acts. Ten males, five 
females. Costumes, modem ; scenery easy. 
Plays t «■ . > hours and a halt 

IRIS ' 'i'^a«ia in Five Acts. Seven males, seven females. Costumee, 
modem ; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

T ADY ROflNTIFHI ^^^^ ^^ Four Acts. Eight males, seven fe- 
males. Costumes, modern ; scenery, four in- 
teriors, not easy Plays a full evening. 

I FTTY ^'^*''"* ^ Four Acts and an Epilogue. Ten males, five fe- 
^ males. Costumes, modem ; scenery complicated. Plays a 

full evening. 



Sent prepaid on receipt of price by 

a^alter 1$. TSaUt & Company 

No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts 



"William 



A Farce in One Act 



J> 



By 
W. C. PARKER 

Aut/tor of " Breaking the Engagement;' etc. 



BOSTON 

WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 

1910 



"William" ^^^^ 

CHARACTERS 



Alfred Blossom, a young theologian. 
Henry Bronson, his college chum. 
Mrs. Bronson, Henrfs wife. 
Jenny, a dojnestic. 

Place. — Bronson's home. 

Time. — The present. 

Time of Playing. — About twenty minutes. 



COSTUMES 

Alfred. — Well-worn ministerial garb. Change to misfit, 
discarded dress-suit. 

Henry. — Up-to-date business suit. 
Mrs. Bronson. — Neat morning gown. 
Jenny. — Kitchen dress. 



PROPERTIES 

Coins for Henry. Letter, broom and dust-pan for Jenny. 




Copyright, 1910, by Walter H. Baker & Co. 
(gCI.D 2104.- 



"William" 



SCENE. — Interior. Door, c. Sofa, r. Table, chairs, etc., 
to decorate stage. Piano {if available^, L. Discovered 
Henry Bronson and Mrs. Bronson. 

Mrs. B. {seated). What's the matter, dear? You seem 
annoyed. 

Hen. {nervously pacing). I'm so worried about that mort- 
gage coming due, that I can't rest a minute. 

Mrs. B. Let's see. What is the amount now? 

Hen. Sixteen hundred dollars. 

Mrs. B, Gracious ! That much ? When must it be paid ? 

Hen. The day after to-morrow. 

Mrs. B. Well, that will give you a breathing spell in which 
to raise the balance. You must have saved up the greater part 
of it. 

Hen. That's the worst of it. I haven't made anything to 
save up. 

Mrs. B. Do you mean to say that you haven't any money 
at all? 

Hen. {taking change from pocket and counting it). Forty- 
eight cents. That's all. 

Mrs. B. Heavens ! What shall we do ? 

Hen. That's just what I'm trying to figure out. 

Mrs. B. What will happen if you cannot pay it ? 

Hen. We'll lose the place. 

Mrs. B. Well, I hope you're not going to mope around 
and allow us to be turned out of house and home ! Why don't 
you stir around and hustle up something ? 

Hen. I told you I have exhausted every resource. I don't 
know which way to turn. 

Mrs. B. That's just like a man ! Don't give up without 
an effort ! There must be some way of raising money ! 

Hen. There's the piano. 

3 



4 " WILLIAM 

Mrs. B. What ! Sell my beautiful piano ? You ought to 
be ashamed to ask it ! 

Enter Jenny, door c. 

Jen. a letter, sir. {Hands letter to Hen.) And, please, 
sir, would you be so kind as to pay me my last month's wages? 
I want to send some money home. 

Hen. (Jiesitatingly). Why — a 

Mrs. B. Don't bother Mr. Bronson now, Jenny. I will 
attend to that a little later. 

Jen. All right, ma'am, but please let me have it to-day, as 
I promised the old folks 

Mrs. B. Very well. But please don't interrupt us now. I 
will call you a little later. 

Jen. Yes, ma'am. I'll come as soon as you call me. 

\^Exit, door c. 

Hen. More trouble. 

Mrs. B. {sighing). Yes. They never seem to come singly. 

Hen. {opetii7ig and reading letter^. Good ! The very 
thing ! 

Mrs. B. Who is it from ? 

Hen. Alfred Blossom. 

Mrs. B. And who might Alfred Blossom be? 

Hen. Why, he's my old college chum. He's coming to 
visit us. Isn't that immense ? 

Mrs. B. WellJ I fail to see anything to enthuse over. 
We certainly are in no condition to entertain visitors in our 
present circumstances. 

Hen. But we must. Alfred is a very rich man. 

Mrs. B. Little good that will do us. 

Hen. You don't understand. Alfred was my dearest 
friend at college. We must entertain him properly and use 
every endeavor to please him. Under such circumstances, do 
you suppose he would permit us to lose our home ? Why, the 
amount would be a mere bagatelle to him. 

Mrs. B. Oh, I see what you are driving at. His presence 
may prove most fortunate. When is he coQiing ? 

Hen. To-day. 

Mrs. B. {rising). Well, then, we must get right to work. 
We haven't a thing to eat in the house. You must hurry to 
the grocer and the butcher, while Jenny and I straighten up 
things. 

Hen. What shall I order ? 



" WILLIAM *' 5 

Mrs. B. Everything. I told you we haven't a thing in the 
house. 

Hen. Now, don't get flustrated. 

Mrs. B. Flustrated, indeed ! You evidently don't realize 
what it would mean to me to be without a home ! 

Hen. Too bad we haven't another servant. Alfred was 
always so particular about everything, and Jenny doesn't make 
much of an appearance waiting on table. 

Mrs. B. You might get a professional waiter for the occa- 
sion. The caterer has them on hire. 

Hen. The very idea ! I'll stop there on my way down- 
town. Good-bye, dear {kissitig Mrs. B.), and don't forget to 
have everything in good order, for Alfred is so particular. 

\_Exiti door c. 

Mrs. B. {calling). Jenny ! {Lnpatiently .) Jenny ! 

Jen. {outside). Yes, ma'am. I'm coming ! 

Enter ^Y.'^.y door c. 

Mrs. B. Get your broom and dust-pan at once. We are 
expecting company and the house must have a thorough clean- 
ing. 

Jen. Yes, ma'am, ai;d you said 

Mrs. B. Don't wait to talk about your wages now. Mr. 
Bronson will attend to that when he returns from down-town. 

Jen. Yes, ma'am. I'll hurry. \^Exit, door c. 

Mrs. B. I do hope something will come of this. I'm sure 
I should go clean crazy if we had to struggle along without 
money mucli longer. {Enter Jen., door c, with broom and 
dust' pan. She drops dust -pan and commences to sweep, R. c.) 
Wheough ! What a dust you are raising ! Move the sofa out 
of the way. 

Jen. Yes, ma'am. {Drops broojn and pushes sofa.) 

Mrs. B. Don't shove it ! Lift it ! You'll break off that 
loose leg ! 

Jen. {tryi?ig to lift end of sofa). It's mighty heavy, ma'am. 

{Bell heard.) 

Mrs. B. There's the front door-bell. See who it is. 
Jen. Yes, ma'am. {Drops sofa and exit, door c.) 
Mrs. B. {sitting on sofa). I declare, I'm all tired out be- 
fore we're even half through. 

Enter Jen., door c. 



6 " WILLIAM 

Jen. It's a gentleman, ma'am. 

Mrs. B. Very well. Show him in. (Rises expectafitly.) 

Jen. Yes, ma'am. 

Enter Alfred Blossom, door C. 

y[\\%.^. {disappointed at his appearance'). Ah, yes. You're 
the waiter. Your establishment is quite prompt. I suppose 
Mr. Bronson made all arrangements concerning your wages, 
etc., and all I will say in addition is that your name is to be 
<' William." We always call our waiters <' William," and no 
other name would seem quite natural. (Al. stands mildly 
astonished.) Of course, you are accustomed to answer to the 
name chosen, as if it were really yours? 

Al. {hesitatingly). Why — yes — of course — I 

Mrs. B. And don't forget to address me as **madame" — 
we never permit any familiarity from our servants. And, if 
possible, affect an English accent. It always adds tone to the 
occasion. {Ki.. bows gravely. Bell heard.) That's the base- 
ment door-bell. It must be the provisions. Run down 
quickly, Jenny, and take in the things. You may remain and 
prepare for luncheon. I will have William do the cleaning. 

Jen. Yes, ma'am. [Exit, door c. 

Mrs. B. And now, William, I will explain a few things to 
show you the importance of your deportment being absolutely 
correct and in good form. We are expecting an old college 
chum of Mr. Bronson's. He is a very particular individual, 
but also very rich. An unexpected change in our financial 
condition will compel us to appeal to him for assistance, and, 
quite naturally, we desire everything to go off without a hitch. 
So, if you are exceedingly careful, and execute my wishes to a 
successful termination, I shall feel inclined to add a few dollars 
to your usual wages. (Al. bows and smiles.) What are you 
laughing at ? I must again warn you not to attempt any famil- 
iarity while you are in our employ. Now move that sofa over 
here. {Points c. Al. hesitates, then goes to sofa and pushes 
it, e.) Don't shove it ! Lift it ! You are liable to break off 
the loose leg ! 

Al. Perhaps I might be able to repair the leg. 

Mrs. B. No. Don't bother now. There isn't time. Our 
visitor is liable to arrive at any moment. 

Al. Very well. 

Mrs. B. And don't forget to say <*madame." "Very 
well, madame." 



" WILLIAM " 



Al. {repeating). Very well, madame. {Lifts sofa, c.) 

Mrs. B. Now take the broom and sweep where the sofa 
was. (Al. takes broom; aivkwardly endeavors to sweep.) 
Not that way ! Gracious ! How awkward you are ! Let me 
show you. {Takes broom and sweeps.) There! That is the 
way to sweep. {Hafids broom to Al.) 

Al. {awkwardly trying to imitate her). I trust that you 
will pardon me {hesitates as if nearly forgetting to say the 
word), madame, but I am not quite accustomed 

Mrs. B. Oh, I see. I presume you consider it beneath 
your dignity to act in any capacity but your professional one 
of " waiter." Very well. I suppose I must do it myself. 

Al. I am very sorry {hesitates), madame, but 

Mrs. B. Never mind. I have swept before, and I suppose 
I can do it again. {Takes broom.) Turn around and let me 
look at your back. (Al. does so.) That suit of yours is rather 
well worn and doesn't look very well for a high class waiter. 
Go down to the kitchen and ask Jenny to give you Mr. Bron- 
son's old dress suit. It will look much better than what you 
have on, and, as soon as you have changed, you may install 
yourself in the foyer and act as ''butler." 

Al. Yes, madame. \_Exit, door c. 

Mrs. B. I don't care much for his looks. I suspect that 
his ignorance of sweeping is assumed, and in reality is sheer 
laziness. {Sweeps and dusts. Gets out of breath.) Not a 
very pleasant occupation, to be sure, but I suppose it must be 
done. {Sweeps and dusts.) What a disappointment it would 
be if, after all this trouble, our visitor should refuse to let us 
have the money. {Siveeps, dusts, etc.) 



Enter Jen., door c. 



Jen. Please, ma'am 



Mrs. B. {pausing). Well, Jenny, what is it? 

Jen. It's about that waiter, ma'am. 

Mrs. B. You mean '' William." Tell me quickly ! What 
has he done? 

• Jen. Nothing much, ma'am, only he asked me such funny 
questions. 

Mrs. B. What about ? 

Jen. Why, he wanted to know if you are rich or poor— 
and how much are you worth — and whether the house is mort- 
gaged — and if Mr. Bronson has much of an income— and 



8 " WILLIAM '* 

Mrs. B. Goodness gracious ! He must be looking things 
over and preparing to rob us ! I must count the silver spoons 
before I permit him to handle them. Run out and see if Mr. 
Bronson isn't coming. We must take every precaution before 
it is too late ! 

Jen. Yes, ma'am. [Exit, door c. 

Mrs. B. I didn't like that fellow's looks the minute I saw 
him ! And that supercilious smile of his is utterly beyond my 
comprehension. 

Enter Hen., hastily, door c. 

Hen. What is the matter ? Has Alfred arrived ? 

Mrs. B. No. It's about that waiter 

Hen. I'm sorry, but they are all engaged. I couldn't get 
one anywhere. 

Mrs. B. Couldn't get one? Good heavens! Call the 
police ! We'll all be murdered ! 

Hen. Why, what on earth is the matter? 

Mrs. B. {gasping for breath). You say you didn't send 
any one, and yet you had scarcely left the house, when a fellow 
called and went to work ! 

Hen. Aha ! Sneak thief, eh ? Well, we'll settle his hash 
in a hurry ! I'll telephone for a policeman, and as soon as I 
get out of the room, you call him and keep him here until I 
return. Don't let him know that I am at home, or he may try 
to escape. [Exit hastily , door c. 

Mrs. B. Goodness gracious ! Are we never to have an end 
to our troubles ? {Calls.) William! {Louder.) William! 

Enter Al., door c. 

Al. Yes, madame. 

{Has changed to a misfit, discarded dress suit. It is very 
tight, and the trousers and coat sleeves are so short that 
his legs and arms are fully displayed.) 

Mrs. B. Well, that isn't a very good fit, is it? 

Al. {surveying himself). It wasn't exactly made for me. 

Mrs. B. Strange that you haven't a presentable suit of your 
own. I thought that every waiter was obliged to have one. 

Al. Well, to tell you the truth {hesitates), madame, I 
haven't had much experience as a waiter. 

Mrs. B. {restraining agitation). Aha! I see. Sort of a 



" WILLIAM " 9 

"new man at the business," eh? And, pray, what was your 
previous occupation ? 

Al. (Jiesitatiiigly'). I — I — was — a — minister. 

Mrs. S. a minister? (Aside.') A likely story, indeed. 
{To Al.) And where were you located ? 

Al. In Philadelphia. 

Enter Hen., door c. 

Hen. (eyeing Al. cautiously y then appearing to recognize 
him, suddenly realizes who he is^ rushes down and seizes him 
by the hand). Hello, Al, old man ! How are you? 

Al. Well! It's the same old "Harry"! I'm awfully 
glad to see you ! (Hugs Hen.) 

Hen. (noticing suit Al. is wearing). Been getting wet? 

Mrs. B. (dumbfounded). That's your old dress suit. 

Hen. Well, what on earth is my old dress suit doing on 
Alfred ? 

Mrs. B. On whom ? 

Hen. Alfred ! My old chum, Alfred Blossom ! This is 
my wife, old man ! 

Al. (bowing). I am pleased to know Mrs. Bronson. 

Mrs. B. Catch me, Henry, before I faint ! (Falls into 
Hen.'s arms.) How will you ever be able to forgive me, Mr. 
^Mr. 

Al. You may call me " William " if you like. 

QUICK CURTAIN 



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THE SISTERHOOD OF BRIDGET 

A Farce in Three Acts 

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Seven males, six females. Costumes modern ; scenery, easy interiors. 
Plays two hours. An easy, effective and very humorous piece turning 
upon the always interesting servant-girl question. A very unusual num- 
ber of comedy parts; all the parts good. Easy to get up and well rec- 
ommended. 

Price, 2^ cents 

CHARACTERS 

Edward MA?,oii, a wealthy stock- Mrs. Mason, socia/lst and aS' 

broker. thete. 

Lord Curton, in search of a Eleanor Mason, her daugh' 

wife with money. ter. 

Ward Leighton, lieutenant of Bridget, the cook, 

the lydth Regiment. Josie Riley, ") , . . 

^MikeMcShane, driver of a mi/k' Emma Hone, ) 

cart. Mary Macrae, Jimmy^s sister, 

Jimmy Macrae, page at Mr. Timothy Rouke, house painter. 

Mason's. William, butler at Mr. Mason^s, 

THE ALL-AMERICA ELEVEN 

By M. N. Beebe 

Twelve males. Costumes modern ; scenery unnecessary. Plays fifteen 
minutes. An up-to-date and popular entertainment for boys in one scene, 
sure to please both the boys and the audience. Characters : Football Boy, 
Baseball Boy, Tennis Boy, Office Boy, Messenger Boy, Country Boy, 
Chinese Boy, Jewish Boy, Irish Boy, Indian Boy, Negro Boy and Trainer. 
Price, 75 cents 

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IN THE GRANGE 

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Seventeen males. Costumes eccentric ; scenery unnecessary. Plays ten 
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Price, 75 cents 



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Ten males, four females. Costumes modern ; scenery, two easy in- 
teriors. Plays a full evening. A first-class piece for college production by 
the author of" Half-Back Sandy," the story turning upon the event of the 
annual boat-race. All parts good ; strongly recommended. Can be 
played only by payment of a royalty of ^lo.oo to the author. 
Price, 2^ cents 

CHARACTERS 

Hen.iy Brooks. *' Mollie" Runskool, a freshman, 

Mr. Brooks, his father. Bill Carter. 

Lord Chillingworth. Professor Dixon. 

Peter, his valet, Mrs. Brooks, Henry* s mother, 

Guy Marks, I. D. Helen Baldwin. 

Caleb Weston. Bab. 

Ned Andrews. Amy, the Professor's daughter, 

SYNOPSIS OF SCENES 

Act I. — Parlor in Henry's home at Redville, on New Year** 
night. 

Act II. — Curiosity room in Delta Sigma Fraternity House. A 
morning in June. 

Act III. — Same as Act II. Afternoon. 

Act IV. — Same as Act II. Evening. 



THE POETS' CLUB 

By M. K Beebe 

Eleven male characters. One act. Scenery unimportant ; costumes 
modern. Plays thirty-five minutes. A capital farce for boys, easy and 
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piece, full of action and a sure success if competently acted. Tom Car- 
ter's little joke of impersonating the colored butler has unexpected con- 
sequences that give him "the time of his life." Very highly recom- 
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Price, 25 cents 

CHARACTERS 

Mr. Bob Grey. 

Mrs. Bob Grey. 

Tom Carter, Mrs. Grefs brother. 

Mrs. Peter Wycombe, a " personage.''^ 

Mr. Peter Wycombe, a " pessimist " with a digestion, 

Dorothy Landon, secretly engaged to Tom Carter. 

Mr. James Landon, Sr., Dorothy' s father ; of a peppery disposition. 

Uncle Tom, an old colored butler from the South. 

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Price f IS cents 

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Two males, three females. Costumes modern; scene, an interior. 
Plays twenty minutes. An easy piece of strong dramatic interest, orig- 
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performance of the leading role by Miss Ethel Barrymore. The inimitable 
spirit with which the scenes between Miss Barrymore and Mr. Bruce 
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of the lines of this play. Sold for reading only ; acting rights strictly re- 
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Price, §0 cefits 

CHARACTERS 
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Rev. James Bartlett, a Amy Spencer, her daughter. 

clergyman. Jane, a servant. 

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By Hubert Henry Davies 

Five males, five females. Costumes modern ; scenery, a single interior. 
Plays two hours and a half An admirable play of strong dramatic interest 
presenting a cast of characters imagined, drawn and contrasted with un- 
usual skill and effect. The piece is well known in the United States 
through the memorable performance of the leading lady character by Miss 
Mary Moore supporting Mr. Charles Wyndham. To such as remember 
that admirable performance of an admirable play, the reading of the text 
will be full of reminiscent pleasure. Sold for reading only ; acting rights 
strictly reserved. 

Price, 30 cents 

CHARACTERS 

Capt. Mowbray, retired. Mrs. Jardine. 

Col. Jardine, retired. Isabel Kirke ) her 

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New Plays for Female Characters 

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Madame Elizabeth Kent- Coke, Prosecuting Attorney, 

Madame Tomasia Erskine, Attortiey for Defendant. 

** Dotty " Develin, the Defendant. 

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Prof. Elvira Jones-Johnson, Prof. Dolly Dimple, Professor 

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Six males, five females. Costumes modern ; scenes an interior and an 
exterior, or can be played in two interiors. Plays two hours or more. 
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CHARACTERS 

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James B. Graham, a comfuercial traveller. 

Rev. Mr. Flick, the village parson. 

Hosea Clegg, %vho belongs to the G. A. R, 

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Tad, just a boy. 

Sylvia Lennox, the village school-jjia' am. 

Ida May Alcott, who has had advantages. 

Mrs. Alcott, her proud mamma — so77iewhat forgetful, 

Elvira Pratt, a dressmaker. 

PosiE, who was born tired. 

SYNOPSIS 

Act I. — In front of the store and post-office on a morning in August. 

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convenient, these two acts may be played as an interior scene with very 
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as the inside of the store, with counter, post-office boxes, etc. 

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interior. Plays two hours and a half. 

THE NOTORIOUS MRS. EBBSMITP ^^f""' ,■" J"" ^f' 

El ' males, five females. 
Costumes, modern ; scenery, all interiors PL ys a, full evening. 

TflF PROFI IfiATF I*lay"iFourAc<,s oeven males, five females. 
L* L< g(jQjjgj.y^ three interiors, rather elaborate ; 

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THE SCHOOLMISTRESS FarceinThreeActs.Ninemale8,8even 
females. Costumes, modern; scenery, 
three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

THE SECOND MRS. TANQUEBAY ^2i:!::\^l..^tl 

tumes, modern ; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

SWEET LAVENDER ^°°*®<ly ^ Three Acts. Seven males, four 
^ females. Scene, a single interior; costumes, 

modern. Plays a full evening. 

THF TIIWFS Comedy in Four Acts. Six males, seven females. 
Scene, a single interior; costumes, modern. Plays a 
full evening. 

THF WFAKFR SFX C<^°^®<^y ^ Three Acts. Eight males, eight 
females. Costumes, modern ; scenery, two 
interiors. Plays a full evening. 

A WIFE WITHOUT A SMIIF comedy m Three Acts. Five 
A nirC nilUUUl a :>iTULrC ^^les, four females. Costumes, 
modern ; scene, a single interior. Plays a full evening. 



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AS YOU I IKV IT Comedy in Five Acts. Thirteen males, four 
Au llFli Mlvly 11 females. Costumes, picturesque ; scenery, va- 
ried. Plays a f lill evening. 

r A MIT IF Drama in Five Acts. Nine males, five females. Cos- 
S^AaULiLtL tumes, modern ; scenery, varied. Plays a full evening. 

INnOMAtt I*l^y i" Fire Acts. Thirteen males, three females. 
limviTlAIV Scenery varied ; costumes, Greek. Plays a full evening, 

IWAUY STIIAPT Tragedy in Five Acts. Thirteen males, four fe- 
1T1AI\1 OlDAni males, and supernumeraries. Costumes, of the 
period ; scenery, varied and elaborate. Plays a full evening. 

THE MERCHANT OF VENICE S=f?b?e!S^™l£ loZSet 

picturesque ; scenery varied. Plays a full evening. 

PICHFI IFII Play io Five Acts. Fifteen males, two females. Scen- 
l\lVlllwL(li<li ery elaborate ; costumes of the period. Plays a full 
evening. 

THF fflVAIS Comedy in Five Acts. Nine males, five females. 
lUL Rll AL^J Scenery varied: 



full evening. 



costumes of the period. Plays a 



bllfc MUUrb 10 vUMyUtK males, four females. Scenery va- 
ried ; costumes of the period. Plays a full evening. 



Comedy in Five 
Acts. Ten males, 



TWELFTH NlfiHT; OR, WHAT ¥0U WILL 

three females. Costumes, picturesque ; scenery, varied. Plays a 
full evening. 



Sent prepaid on receipt of price by 

l^altet 1^. isafeer & Company 

No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts 



